A Rose by Any Name

Why we don’t give up when the cause is right

Shakespeare asked what’s in a name. Anyone who has worked to secure one, especially for a child’s knows the answer: quite a lot.

Some time ago, we applied to the South Australian Civil and Administrative Tribunal (SACAT) on behalf of a client to change their child’s surname. The application was well-prepared and, in our view, entirely reasonable. It was refused. The outcome surprised us. We read the decision, looked at each other, and were left with the same question: how did we get there from here?

There are two ways to respond to a result like that. You can accept it and move on, or you can ask whether the decision was actually right. We asked the second question. We sought a review, and the decision was overturned.

Why a surname matters

A surname is more than a label on a form. It tells the world who belongs together. It connects a child to their family and to the person who gets them up for school, sits with them at the doctor and holds their hand at the dentist.

When a child has a different surname to the parent who has primary care of them, that connection is questioned over and over again. At the GP. At the hospital. At school pick-up, the pharmacy, the airport and the bank. Each time, the parent has to explain: yes, this is my child; no, we don’t share a name; yes, I’m the one who looks after them.

My heart breaks for parents who go through this. It’s a small humiliation repeated indefinitely, and it can feel like a reminder of ownership, as though the child’s name belongs to someone else’s claim rather than to the life they actually live. For a parent doing the daily work of raising a child, that is often a heavy thing to carry into every waiting room.

Why it’s personal to me

I never married. I’ll keep my reasons private, but the short version is that I had honest concerns that “forever” wasn’t a promise my relationship could keep, and the dynamic was chaotic. I wasn’t willing to make a lifelong commitment on paper that I couldn’t make in my heart.

My child has always carried my surname, so I have never had to explain our connection at a counter or a clinic. I know how fortunate that is, and I know it isn’t true for everyone. Many parents who have made similar choices, or whose circumstances changed, find themselves doing all the caring while holding a different name to the child they care for. That is why this case mattered to me.

A process that took time

This was not a quick outcome. From the first application to the final result, the matter took about 18 months.

The application was opposed by the child’s other family. They love the child, and that was never in question, but they were not the child’s primary carers. It was a genuinely difficult matter, with real care on both sides, and it deserved to be considered properly.

SACAT refused the original application. We then sought a review of that decision, also within SACAT, and it was on review that the outcome was changed.

There were stages, submissions and a lot of waiting, and there were moments when it would have been easy to wonder whether it was worth continuing. Our client stayed steady, and we stayed alongside them.

What made the difference

• Believing in the merits. We genuinely believed the outcome was wrong, and we kept testing that belief against the evidence.
• Keeping the child at the centre. The question was always what was best for the child, not what was fair to the adults.
• Understanding the process. Review rights come with deadlines and requirements. Knowing them, and acting on them, kept the door open.
• Presenting the case clearly. We went back to the evidence and set it out so the reasoning could be properly tested.
• Patience and respect. A review isn’t a personal attack on the original decision-maker, or on the other family. It’s a measured request to look again, and it can take a long time

What this means for our clients

At the heart of my family business I don’t believe a first “no” is always the last word. Sometimes it is, and we’ll tell you honestly when the prospects are weak.

We’ll also tell you honestly when a process may be long. But when the cause is right, we’ll stand beside you for as long as it takes.

If you’ve received a decision about your child’s name, or anything else, that left you confused or frustrated, don’t assume it’s final.  Don’t give up.

A rose by any other name might smell as sweet, but every child deserves a name that matches the family they live with every day.